Archive for March, 2008

If you ever get into an accident on the freeway, DO NOT stop your car in the middle of the lane and get out on the 5-lane interstate to look at the damage and trade insurance information. PULL OVER! Apparently the act of being hit by a car, or multiple cars, is not as important as making sure that our deductible will be met.

Doing so successfully pisses EVERYONE off on the freeway as well as creating instant gridlock. We also have to try to understand WHO, besides those people on COPS who run across highways after being stopped with 50 grams of blow, would stop their car, get out, and stand around while thousands of other cars are UNABLE to travel because of you and drive by slowly giving you the most evil of evil-eyes.  

Who is friends with these people or dates these people? Don’t actions like these alert you to your own impending accidental death at the hands of the Darwin award reject. These type of people enjoy slot machines in vegas too.

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We generally don’t get out much, as what kind of person with this type of cynicism would have any type of tan, and tend to only go to countries that we tend not to remember. But this is a new year and we want the chance to forget our own country.

Beginning this Sunday until March 23rd, your fearless Editor will be taking this show on the road up through San Francisco, via Santa Barbara, a short stop in the metropolis that is Reno, Nevada where Reno 911! is filmed (nope), and then a final stopover in Vegas for the opening two rounds of March Madness.

As such, any on-site reporting (if) should be taken with just a bit of salt.

Bippity Boppity, gimme the Zoppity.

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Welcome to 2008 where it’s important to have dignity.  

Any place that sells these is making money on stupidity.

There only acceptable use is to tell us who to avoid.

Even if you got them for free, throw them away, and rejoin society where most of us aware of what is a shoe, and what is used for the gym shower.

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Put it down and stop being a consumer. Women don’t make sexual decisions based purely on scent – the gym tells us this. There isn’t a place on this world where the scent of a man out-values that of his wealth, charm, looks, or social class, let alone a scent purchased for less than a Coffee Bean Cinnamon Roll (btw, highly recommended when heated in a microwave).

Everyday, men are provided with new and inexpensive ways to attract women without actually asking a girl what she wants to smell when you walk by? When it comes to fragrance, and in many cases, shaving products, the best companies are those that have been around for decades and whose products don’t only come in Aerosol form.

I think this all stems from to the basic causal relationship between women and men: Women don’t like cheap men, and an Axe man is a cheap man. Therefore women don’t like a man who wears Axe.

Ah, Smells Like Attractive!

Further Ranting after the jump

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Each week, one of our Hall of Fame Haters will have one of their most appreciated bits, lyrics, rants, and videos on display so others can begin the education of these great comedians; or more appropriately, revolutionaries.  

This week: George Carlin’s bit on Guys Named Todd: 


As always, you can purchase this CD via this link. 

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Do to our Libertarian views, this type of media is only a step in the right direction and a good laugh as well.

Special Thanks to Mr. T-Bone.

If you would like to read further, we encourage you to peruse the following web links:
The Safer Choice

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There is a major common misconception that people have with trying to mask a specific odor and in most cases this odor is that of Shit.

What people don’t realize is that these sprays in fact do the opposite of what their intended purpose is to be – masking other odors with a pleasant smell of Morning Honeydew so to make the next guest assume that someone was cutting some mellon over the toilet. Nothing wrong here, all logical reasons for this calming scent.

Please save me the future memories of these horrible scents

But this doesn’t happen when you spray this in an area where other odors are present. All this does is combine one strong smell with an even stronger one.

The end result is Morning Honeydew-Shit.

Not only is this a more horrific odor to avoid but it will last almost twice as long.

Close the door, open the window, wait it out. don’t Spray, and save us all the horror of having to bring back horrific memories whenever I smell Morning Honeydew – they only act as a sensory trigger for past terror.

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