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Archive for the ‘How To’ Category

IF you choose to use Myspace, it’s only really good for one thing: finding out which people are not worth your time.

Countless times i’ve found myself clicking on a new friend’s page, and being unable to read anything, because the person put some image in the background that is so detailed, you can’t even read the text on the page. Now I won’t be able to know that God is someone you’d like to meet; and maybe for the better.

Also, don’t have any music on your page. I just click it right off. I don’t even care if its a song I like, I don’t want to hear it. I don’t understand people’s fascination of forcing their preferences upon me. You’ve done this where you listed you’re favorite music–I get it, you like shitty music.


You did this to me.

Frankly, i’ve found myself being relieved when the person hasn’t spent the hours using some editor to make their virtual page “theirs” with cool graphics, images, and videos. All these things do is make it more and more impossible to view any text explaining why I shouldn’t think you are nuts.

The only useful page is one that has no music so I don’t have to click it off and readable text so I can see which people’s original works of art you are using to claim your own originality.

Don’t be a dumbass.

PS. Facebook INITIALLY was a streamlined method of communicating information effectively, BUT since the advent of the applications feature, those that have LSD-laced myspace pages can migrate similar habits to Facebook. Well done.

If you are epileptic, don’t click here.

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There is a major common misconception that people have with trying to mask a specific odor and in most cases this odor is that of Shit.

What people don’t realize is that these sprays in fact do the opposite of what their intended purpose is to be – masking other odors with a pleasant smell of Morning Honeydew so to make the next guest assume that someone was cutting some mellon over the toilet. Nothing wrong here, all logical reasons for this calming scent.


Please save me the future memories of these horrible scents

But this doesn’t happen when you spray this in an area where other odors are present. All this does is combine one strong smell with an even stronger one.

The end result is Morning Honeydew-Shit.

Not only is this a more horrific odor to avoid but it will last almost twice as long.

Close the door, open the window, wait it out. don’t Spray, and save us all the horror of having to bring back horrific memories whenever I smell Morning Honeydew – they only act as a sensory trigger for past terror.

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Makeup is a touchy thing.  It has the power to make someone’s face clear up and look as perfect as ever when you need it to be.  And when its done right, it looks natural and casual.

However, girls invariably do the exact opposite that the makeup is trying to cover-up, by creating something even more disgusting to stare at than any acne – thousands of white particles that make your face look you just shoved it in the sand. 

So lets keep this one short and to the point.

Guys don’t like makeup. Girls like makeup.

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Disclaimer:  Doing any of these things could result in you NOT getting a table at all. Be aware of this and make the correct accommodations for other dinner arrangements if need be. You are acting like an asshole and as a result, expect to be treated like one in the likely event someone isn’t appreciating your humor and wants you to know about it. Additionally, Randomstuffihate.com takes no responsibility for any physical harm you may occur as a result of acting like a jerk. Do so at your own risk.  

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Restaurants are a great place for stress release and the hostess is you’re main liaison to a possible enchanted evening. As a result, having great power comes great responsibility, and dealing with the public also means dealing with a wide variety of jerky people. 

Depending on how busy the restaurant is and the maturity of said hostess (I wouldn’t screw with people who are much older than yourself), I choose to sometimes do one of a few things depending on my degree of annoyance that night…   

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Let’s start with the facts that we know:  You are entitled to nothing.  You do not have special privileges, nor is there any reason why you would gain an upper hand and driving is no exception. Especially in Los Angeles and other commuter cities where you will sometimes need something from someone else, i.e. room to merge.  

What everyone needs to learn is that no one cares about you and nor will they look out for anyones well-being but themselves.

Which brings us to the classic driving maneuver and today’s topic of the fine art of Merging correctly.


A Sign of Potential Fun Ahead

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Ticketmaster has become only a sufficient way to get crappy seats.

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I get tired in knowing that there is no real genuine way to get good seats to any event be it sporting events or concerts when ordered through Ticketmaster. Even the promise of waking up on a sunny saturday morning, hopping on at 10AM and timing your clicking perfectly gets you Section 318 Row W.

Probably the most annoying thing about Ticketmaster is the ever popular Best Available selection which most likely gets you the worst possible seats unless you specifically choose the price point you want which could provide better seats than what the Best Available choice made. Its this irony that makes no sense and the satisfaction of lucking out and getting anything remotely good is just that, remote.

And, when you make all the right clicks and don’t mistype the unreadable code word, and get the site to start searching for seats, there’s still the always apparent chance that the site itself will overload and specific users, namely Mac Users, will experience problems with the software. Once you’ve realized the fix to the problem, a minute or two later, the most dreaded words come up: WE COULDN’T FIND ANY TICKETS THAT MATCH YOUR REQUEST.

Possible alternatives and more after the jump…

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People like to go fast and generally I think most safe driving people will generally travel about 70-80mph on the freeways and 40-50 on the streets depending on conditions. Normal people change lanes when they need/want to go at those faster speeds–sometimes we’ll even give a look to the other person to let them know how much better we are than them as we get to where we need to quicker cause we are more important.  We all do this and we all see this everyday and its life–a constant give and take.   Then sometimes, when someone wants to go faster than everyone else by a wider margin, people tend to become one of two types of speeding assholes:

  •  The Euro-Trash Speeder: This is where the car weaves in and out of traffic at a high rate of speed.  Much like euro-trash people drive their cars on the autobahns in Germany. Most notably done in Asian and European Cars due to their ability to go other ways than straight.
  • The American Speeder:  This is the guy who doesn’t change lanes, but just gets in that fast lane and guns it.  He has no care for how slow you are going, and will wait till the absolute last minute to slam on his breaks.  This actually works out for you because a rear end collision is always the result of the driver coming from the behind.

Some people will get out of the way and move on, while some will see these small-brained fellows as an excellent opportunity to have some fun – and heres how to properly do so as only a Jerk can show!  

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