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Archive for the ‘Please Don’t’ Category

It doesn’t matter what song it is – it still sucks.

Even if its a cool little jingle of bells and whistles – I don’t want to hear it, and no one else does either.

Whatever song you choose will be annoying after hearing the same 30 second excerpt over and over and over again, since the only people who actually buy ringtones are the type of people who will get calls and texts more often than the standard cell phoner.  Moreover, the people who buy more than one ringtone or make their own ringtones are the kind of people who enjoy high gas and commodity prices since they are used to throwing money down the drain. These are also the type of people who purchase goods and services from commercials on television. They have numerous free samples of Celebrex, many prescriptions for Levitra, a couple Ronco Food Dehydrators, and Royal Diamond Cookware.

I feel that specific judgments can therefore be made and drawn based on a persons choice of the form of indication for an incoming missive.  Lets say in the odd event I go to a “club and/or bar”, if I meet a young lady with a hip and cool ringtone, I involunarily ask myself what else is wrong with this person.

If they are making this psychotic and horrible decision, what other sick choices could they be making in life?

I choose not to find out.

PS. I used to work at this talent agency in beverly hills and along with the hundreds of calls per day that became routine, I had to also listen to the same jingle that came from this one fat junior agents desk all day as she got sms updates from Jdate. I would routinely scream out “VIBRATE FOR CHRIST’S SAKE” to no avail. However, I grew to enjoy the jingle as I soon became its source. Julie, Bob Sterncohenmanberg says hello.

Good Times.

 
One of the few businesses driven by pure stupidity.

 

 

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IF you choose to use Myspace, it’s only really good for one thing: finding out which people are not worth your time.

Countless times i’ve found myself clicking on a new friend’s page, and being unable to read anything, because the person put some image in the background that is so detailed, you can’t even read the text on the page. Now I won’t be able to know that God is someone you’d like to meet; and maybe for the better.

Also, don’t have any music on your page. I just click it right off. I don’t even care if its a song I like, I don’t want to hear it. I don’t understand people’s fascination of forcing their preferences upon me. You’ve done this where you listed you’re favorite music–I get it, you like shitty music.


You did this to me.

Frankly, i’ve found myself being relieved when the person hasn’t spent the hours using some editor to make their virtual page “theirs” with cool graphics, images, and videos. All these things do is make it more and more impossible to view any text explaining why I shouldn’t think you are nuts.

The only useful page is one that has no music so I don’t have to click it off and readable text so I can see which people’s original works of art you are using to claim your own originality.

Don’t be a dumbass.

PS. Facebook INITIALLY was a streamlined method of communicating information effectively, BUT since the advent of the applications feature, those that have LSD-laced myspace pages can migrate similar habits to Facebook. Well done.

If you are epileptic, don’t click here.

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If you ever get into an accident on the freeway, DO NOT stop your car in the middle of the lane and get out on the 5-lane interstate to look at the damage and trade insurance information. PULL OVER! Apparently the act of being hit by a car, or multiple cars, is not as important as making sure that our deductible will be met.

Doing so successfully pisses EVERYONE off on the freeway as well as creating instant gridlock. We also have to try to understand WHO, besides those people on COPS who run across highways after being stopped with 50 grams of blow, would stop their car, get out, and stand around while thousands of other cars are UNABLE to travel because of you and drive by slowly giving you the most evil of evil-eyes.  

Who is friends with these people or dates these people? Don’t actions like these alert you to your own impending accidental death at the hands of the Darwin award reject. These type of people enjoy slot machines in vegas too.


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Welcome to 2008 where it’s important to have dignity.  


Any place that sells these is making money on stupidity.

There only acceptable use is to tell us who to avoid.

Even if you got them for free, throw them away, and rejoin society where most of us aware of what is a shoe, and what is used for the gym shower.

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Put it down and stop being a consumer. Women don’t make sexual decisions based purely on scent – the gym tells us this. There isn’t a place on this world where the scent of a man out-values that of his wealth, charm, looks, or social class, let alone a scent purchased for less than a Coffee Bean Cinnamon Roll (btw, highly recommended when heated in a microwave).

Everyday, men are provided with new and inexpensive ways to attract women without actually asking a girl what she wants to smell when you walk by? When it comes to fragrance, and in many cases, shaving products, the best companies are those that have been around for decades and whose products don’t only come in Aerosol form.

I think this all stems from to the basic causal relationship between women and men: Women don’t like cheap men, and an Axe man is a cheap man. Therefore women don’t like a man who wears Axe.


Ah, Smells Like Attractive!

Further Ranting after the jump
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Makeup is a touchy thing.  It has the power to make someone’s face clear up and look as perfect as ever when you need it to be.  And when its done right, it looks natural and casual.

However, girls invariably do the exact opposite that the makeup is trying to cover-up, by creating something even more disgusting to stare at than any acne – thousands of white particles that make your face look you just shoved it in the sand. 

So lets keep this one short and to the point.

Guys don’t like makeup. Girls like makeup.

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Its not an attractive thing in part, but as a whole it can be a very enjoyable experience.

Lets keep it at that and preserve its integrity.    


And a real classic after the jump…

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