Archive for the ‘Stupidity’ Category

I really try hard to not be judgmental, but when I hear someone openly convey their desire to listen to U2, I find it hard to trust them with making popcorn in the microwave.

What other shitty decisions are they making in their life? I’m not sticking around to find out.

Maybe its just me.

A sign to walk away.


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It doesn’t matter what song it is – it still sucks.

Even if its a cool little jingle of bells and whistles – I don’t want to hear it, and no one else does either.

Whatever song you choose will be annoying after hearing the same 30 second excerpt over and over and over again, since the only people who actually buy ringtones are the type of people who will get calls and texts more often than the standard cell phoner.  Moreover, the people who buy more than one ringtone or make their own ringtones are the kind of people who enjoy high gas and commodity prices since they are used to throwing money down the drain. These are also the type of people who purchase goods and services from commercials on television. They have numerous free samples of Celebrex, many prescriptions for Levitra, a couple Ronco Food Dehydrators, and Royal Diamond Cookware.

I feel that specific judgments can therefore be made and drawn based on a persons choice of the form of indication for an incoming missive.  Lets say in the odd event I go to a “club and/or bar”, if I meet a young lady with a hip and cool ringtone, I involunarily ask myself what else is wrong with this person.

If they are making this psychotic and horrible decision, what other sick choices could they be making in life?

I choose not to find out.

PS. I used to work at this talent agency in beverly hills and along with the hundreds of calls per day that became routine, I had to also listen to the same jingle that came from this one fat junior agents desk all day as she got sms updates from Jdate. I would routinely scream out “VIBRATE FOR CHRIST’S SAKE” to no avail. However, I grew to enjoy the jingle as I soon became its source. Julie, Bob Sterncohenmanberg says hello.

Good Times.

One of the few businesses driven by pure stupidity.



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We had to deal with a little bit of stuff in the past few months – but at least we are stocked with hatred until the next millennia.

Let us recommence with our favorite store in the mall we love to walk by and attempt to comprehend its customers, employees, corporate officers, clothing designers, and other people who voluntarily work there and among its affiliates – Hollister, you’re in this bunch too. I find it difficult to understand the mind set someone who both has to choose to work for, and associates a sense of “hip and cool” with a store that utilizes a glut of New Englander-Nantucket asshole style wasps to NOT wear its clothes in their advertisements. It’s essentially an endless circle of dumbass, the same people who buy it are the same people who work there and they associate with those same people = dumbassi (the plural of dumbass).

I’m confused, do they sell footballs?

The only thing you see when you walk by the store is a guy HUGE picture of a guy without a shirt. Sometimes, if you are really lucky, you might actually get an actually person – with their shirt off. I’m a straight man, and im assuming this brand is attempting to bring in all creeds, races, etc., but why would you place a gigantic picture of a man and his chest and have half of the entire store dedicated to either sex.

My thought process does NOT go: Mall – Store – Guy with no shirt on – desire to buy these products and thereby become said guy with shirt off.

My thought process DOES work this way: Mall – Store – Guy with no shirt on – What the hell? What is this place?

My other issue, besides an unusual amount of clothes which attempt to recreate a Dr. Livingstong/Rudyard Kipling but im going to Harvard feel, is their constant abuse on the human nasal cavities. I can’t walk by this store and not be hit with a wall of shitty cologne. Once you walk in, its almost like they pump in cologne through the air conditioning–much like can be done with anthrax to effectively kill people in a room quickly and easily.

My main issue with the Abercrombie cologne is that it DOESN’T cause death after being in its grasp for a few minutes. It stays with you and follows you and then ruins anyone else you see for the next two weeks – or roughly 14 showers. This is some nasty shit.

So what type of person are they trying to attract into their establishment? Frankly I feel that certain characteristics of their stores has directly influenced their customers living and social habits. Never has a company created a persona of its intended customer base, and CONVERTED people to act and behave like their suggested models would. People don’t just have a shirt of a pair of pants from this brand; they have entire sets of clothes that all work together and have a gross amount of unnecessary zippers and pockets that allow you to be able to hold all those nails you wanted to hold. Many Thanks Abrcrombie!

Sidenote: When I was going to college, I had this horrible roommate who would never wear a shirt, smell like cologne at all hours, and seemed to get the entire bathroom wet whenever he would use it. I mean entirely. It is not a coincidence then to find out that this same person worked at A&F for a long period of time, and was even “moving up to Assistant Manager” at one point. It was difficult for me to understand that a corporation would give this man more responsibility beyond that of the folding of a shirt, and asking the same person over and over again, “Do you need me to get you a size?”. Frankly it was appalling.

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IF you choose to use Myspace, it’s only really good for one thing: finding out which people are not worth your time.

Countless times i’ve found myself clicking on a new friend’s page, and being unable to read anything, because the person put some image in the background that is so detailed, you can’t even read the text on the page. Now I won’t be able to know that God is someone you’d like to meet; and maybe for the better.

Also, don’t have any music on your page. I just click it right off. I don’t even care if its a song I like, I don’t want to hear it. I don’t understand people’s fascination of forcing their preferences upon me. You’ve done this where you listed you’re favorite music–I get it, you like shitty music.

You did this to me.

Frankly, i’ve found myself being relieved when the person hasn’t spent the hours using some editor to make their virtual page “theirs” with cool graphics, images, and videos. All these things do is make it more and more impossible to view any text explaining why I shouldn’t think you are nuts.

The only useful page is one that has no music so I don’t have to click it off and readable text so I can see which people’s original works of art you are using to claim your own originality.

Don’t be a dumbass.

PS. Facebook INITIALLY was a streamlined method of communicating information effectively, BUT since the advent of the applications feature, those that have LSD-laced myspace pages can migrate similar habits to Facebook. Well done.

If you are epileptic, don’t click here.

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Welcome to 2008 where it’s important to have dignity.  

Any place that sells these is making money on stupidity.

There only acceptable use is to tell us who to avoid.

Even if you got them for free, throw them away, and rejoin society where most of us aware of what is a shoe, and what is used for the gym shower.

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Put it down and stop being a consumer. Women don’t make sexual decisions based purely on scent – the gym tells us this. There isn’t a place on this world where the scent of a man out-values that of his wealth, charm, looks, or social class, let alone a scent purchased for less than a Coffee Bean Cinnamon Roll (btw, highly recommended when heated in a microwave).

Everyday, men are provided with new and inexpensive ways to attract women without actually asking a girl what she wants to smell when you walk by? When it comes to fragrance, and in many cases, shaving products, the best companies are those that have been around for decades and whose products don’t only come in Aerosol form.

I think this all stems from to the basic causal relationship between women and men: Women don’t like cheap men, and an Axe man is a cheap man. Therefore women don’t like a man who wears Axe.

Ah, Smells Like Attractive!

Further Ranting after the jump

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Makeup is a touchy thing.  It has the power to make someone’s face clear up and look as perfect as ever when you need it to be.  And when its done right, it looks natural and casual.

However, girls invariably do the exact opposite that the makeup is trying to cover-up, by creating something even more disgusting to stare at than any acne – thousands of white particles that make your face look you just shoved it in the sand. 

So lets keep this one short and to the point.

Guys don’t like makeup. Girls like makeup.


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